#182227 <Mustang> if you take Obama's first name, Barack, cut it in half, and switch the halves around you get Ackbar(+3/-0) |
<Mustang> if you take Obama's first name, Barack, cut it in half, and switch the halves around you get Ackbar
<FenixDread> but that means...
<FenixDread> IT'S A TRAP
Comment: IT'S A TRAP |
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#182226 raptor: poit(+3/-5)
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raptor: poit
Ise: /me waves
raptor: was that "/me" or should i pronounce it as "Slash-Me"
raptor: or " */Me " ...but that is just risque |
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#182225 Menopause(+2/-0) |
coco: She's through menopause.... into whatever it's called afterwards.
jman: instability, I believe. |
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#182224 Pat (9:46:14 PM): I also like tasty women from Hawaii(+2/-3)
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Pat (9:46:14 PM): I also like tasty women from Hawaii
Chris (9:49:00 PM): hey! i want to taste a hawai'ian woman!
Pat (9:51:16 PM): Fo shizzle
Pat (9:54:14 PM): I wonder if they taste like coconut... or pineapple... or maybe lava
Chris (9:54:36 PM): A pussy colada?
Chris (9:54:37 PM): badum chhhhh
Pat (9:55:35 PM): "You're hot. Can I put my umbrella in your pussy colada?"
Chris (9:55:40 PM): lmao
Chris (9:55:52 PM): you win the internet sir
Pat (9:55:58 PM): hooray!
Comment: AIM |
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#182223 Chris (10:57:47 PM): it's like jesus made muffins(+7/-0) |
Chris (10:57:47 PM): it's like jesus made muffins
Munshun (10:58:01 PM): only they're not muffins at all, but buffalo wings?
Chris (10:58:09 PM): EXACTLY!
Munshun (10:58:27 PM): jesus is cool like that
Chris (10:58:42 PM): if the body of christ came in BW3's spicy garlic i'd be a catholic
Comment: AIM |
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#182222 Vegan Girls Meat Murder(+1/-0)
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<gleesond> "I love them vegan girls, but I'm their real converter, they can't say meat is murder with my bones up their girder" |
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#182221 Macfarce DNS outage(+4/-1) |
LrdV1lde: Macforce had a DNS outage, hence my client XXXXXX is down.
paco@a: what? they were using macfroce for DNS?
LrdV1lde: Yeah, I warned 'em.
paco@a: why the hell does macfarce host dns?
paco@a: talk about player in the wrong market
....
paco@a: make sure you lay it on thick, and make sure you rag on MacFarce too
LrdV1lde: Oh... I wiiiiillll
LrdV1lde: ridiculing macfarce is like making fun of retarded children on the short bus. |
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#182220 Elton John is gay...(+1/-0)
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Mr.J(aka Moses): Holy shit...dude I just realized something.
Filmguy297:Whats that?
Mr.J(aka Moses): Elton John is really fuckin gay...It just now occured to me watching this video of "The Bitch is back"
Filmguy297: ...
Filmguy297: Jesus Christ! Ya think! If the fuckin glasses and little fruit shaped earrings didn't tip you off that he's a flaming homosexual I don't know what wil! |
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#182219 Filmguy297: So I got really drunk one night right so I decided to call my friend(+1/-2) |
Filmguy297: So I got really drunk one night right so I decided to call my friend
Filmguy297: and his nick name is "The Muffin Man" so I told him
Filmguy297: Do you know the Muffin Man bitch?! Well he's gonna mutha fuckin kill you!
harkster: hahahahha...awkward..
Filmguy297: Yeah. |
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#182218 Hatter: Last time I ever take freaking vicodin.(+3/-0)
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Hatter: Last time I ever take freaking vicodin.
capnspaz: why, what happened?
Hatter: I wound up stripping down to my boxers, wrapping a red towel around my shoulders and ran around the effing dorm trying to kick people in the chest while screaming, "This is Sparda!"
capnspaz: .......yeah, i'd definitely lay off the vicodin.... |
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#182217 harkster: So i got really drunk with some friends right?(+4/-0) |
harkster: So i got really drunk with some friends right?
harkster: And by drunk I mean the kind where you can barely move
harkster: and all of a sudden a friend of mine starts throwing bundles of socks at me just screaming the most random ass shit
shim: what was she saying?
harkster: Take this you fucking turtles, you think you're so mother fucking green! |
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#182216 Six Flags Over Jesus(+6/-0)
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<DarkGoddessAkasha> there is a church that is held in a stadium 35,000 people every sunday
<DarkGoddessAkasha> and I thought we had a six flags over jesus
<DarkGoddessAkasha> it only houses half of that and a school
<DarkGoddessAkasha> I give you "Six Flags Over Jesus" http://prestonwood.org/map.php?view=campus
<DarkGoddessAkasha> if you click on the blue part you can see how large the service room is
<DarkGoddessAkasha> http://prestonwood.org/map.php?view=main
<DarkGoddessAkasha> and in proper Bible belt fashion I had my graduation from high school at this place
<DarkGoddessAkasha> wearing my pentagram earings necklace and ring as well as heels that flash lights when I walk
<DarkGoddessAkasha> I usually only wear the ring but seeing as it was a church and I felt it was very very wrong for them to mix church and school I had to go decked out
<DarkGoddessAkasha> did you know in public texas schools where 30 or more students request it the school is required to teach a bible class
<Masquerade> a few kids at my school requested that they pray before and after every football game.
<Isealdor> Really, though...a stadium church service of 35,000+...can you imagine the traffic jams going to church every Sunday?
<DarkGoddessAkasha> they say that goes for all faiths but the requirements are twisted to teach and how many schools have 30 or more pagan students especially the smaller ones
<Masquerade> Not that many, Akasha.
<Masquerade> :(
<Isealdor> And what do you do, have tailgate parties and take coolers of food and water, because you know they have to be those services that go for 4-5 hours
<Isealdor> Do they have concessions? Some guy wandering around selling bottled water..."Holy water for sale, Holy water for sale, $10 a bottle, blessed by the pastor himself!!"
<Masquerade> "Get your annointing oil!... hot, prayer filled, annointing oil" |
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#182214 Porn isnt everything(+2/-1) |
Blacky says:
porn isnt everything ;D
Theo says:
its the only thing
Blacky says:
nooo
Blacky says:
there's love XP
Blacky says:
WHAT IS LOVE
Theo says:
porn with clothes on |
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#182213 <Masquerade> John Mccain is following a very biblical campaign.(+9/-1)
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<Masquerade> John Mccain is following a very biblical campaign.
<Masquerade> Like his namesake, 'cain' he isn't afraid to beat up a 'brother'.
<Masquerade> John the baptist - he carved the path for the new messiah (sarah palin).
<Masquerade> and just like moses, mccain takes advice from a bush that's going up in flames ;) |
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#182212 <Masquerade> people think i'm gothic, or satanic all the time.(+10/-1) |
<Masquerade> people think i'm gothic, or satanic all the time.
<Masquerade> my orthodontist talked about performing an excorcism...
<Malevolence> what's he gonna banish, halitosis? |
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#182208 If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing - Mitter(+1/-0)
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If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing - Mitter |
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#182209 <Anshar> Man, if logical fallacies were small pieces of colored plastic pies, you would have won trivial pursuit hours ago.(+7/-0) |
<Anshar> Man, if logical fallacies were small pieces of colored plastic pies, you would have won trivial pursuit hours ago. |
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#182210 <Anshar> If you want to get into logical conjecture, you just brought a rubber fish to a gun fight.(+4/-1)
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<Anshar> If you want to get into logical conjecture, you just brought a rubber fish to a gun fight. |
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#182206 Touchy Mac Users(+1/-0) |
JSLinuxMan: Ænima
JSLinuxMan: nice
JSLinuxMan: Just discovered that on mah keyboard.
cliffwells18: why would you need an "Ænima" key?
JSLinuxMan: jahahahaah
cliffwells18: now, an "enema" key... I could see mac users needing one of those
JSLinuxMan: I meant the Æ
JSLinuxMan has ended his/her private conversation with you; you should do the same. |
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#182205 ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something(+6/-1)
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ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE |
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#182204 <cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others?(+5/-0) |
<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others?
<therion> ... |
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#182203 <apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt(+3/-1)
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<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt
<fuchoo> lol |
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#182202 <vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big pau(+1/-0) |
<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big pause?"
<NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand this joke goddammit |
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#182201 Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes before he was 18. Then she called me and told me.(+2/-0)
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Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes before he was 18. Then she called me and told me.
Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that.
Sandman: wow
Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm? |
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#182200 <Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it?(+1/-0) |
<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it?
<Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing special or added -_- technically he could bless the water coming from a pipe
<Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water
<Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant blessing
<Hef> and run out of mana |
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#182199 TbG: heh(+2/-0)
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TbG: heh
TbG: I hate that
TbG: I put all of my pr0n in a passworded .rar
TbG: and forgot the password. |
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#182198 Blood Reaper: on a scale of 1 to 10(+4/-1) |
Blood Reaper: on a scale of 1 to 10
Blood Reaper: how old do you think michael jackson's boyfriend is? |
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#182197 <kinzey> i want to go out with a girl(+1/-1)
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<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow |
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#182196 <Avery> I called AOL tech support once(+3/-0) |
<Avery> I called AOL tech support once
<Avery> I was hungover
<Avery> and couldn't find my pants
<Avery> so I called them
<Avery> the lady told me to look under the kitchen table
<Avery> andthere they were
<Avery> how she knew that is beyond me |
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#182195 <komputes> I'm on a unix based operating system which means i get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer(+2/-0)
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<komputes> I'm on a unix based operating system which means i get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
<marky-b> same, but i run windows |
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#182194 <JayQue> britneys sister is pregnant(+3/-1) |
<JayQue> britneys sister is pregnant
<madbox> orly?
<Quazgaa> vaginally, would be my guess |
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#182193 <Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?(+2/-0)
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<Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
<Sealab> Leslie Nielson?
<Bagel> Box Cutters?
<Dodge> William Shatners?
<Scotty> Gameboys?
<DotTom> Babies?
<The Amazing Rando> Wesley Snipes?
<seander> Flaming torches?
<Gib Yob> Vials of smallpox?
<Kelvin> Zombies?
<Tomuber> Mutha fuckin snakes? |
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#182192 Phil: dude(+1/-0) |
Phil: dude
Daryl: wut?
Phil: I just found a pic of me when I was like 6, wearing a red mcdonalds hat with canadian ear flaps that says "mc kids"
Phil: I want to punch myself in the face |
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#182191 <Kraniel> has anyone had thier cat watch them mastrubate? xD it's very weird(+19/-2)
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<Kraniel> has anyone had thier cat watch them mastrubate? xD it's very weird
<Isealdor> Kran: ...
* Nyoneno is reminded of the phrase 'A cat is fine too'
<Kraniel> well sheesh
<Kraniel> the cat just walked in and stared at me
<Kraniel> it was weird
<Frank_the_Bunny> lol |
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#182189 * Kraniel screw myself with chocolate(+28/-3) |
* Kraniel screw myself with chocolate
* Chain takes pictures
<Gravius> Kraniel: Chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your ass. :/ |
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#182188 <mr_flea> Bitchin' sweet.(+3/-0)
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<mr_flea> Bitchin' sweet.
<mr_flea> Network printing now actually works!
* mr_flea has quit (Connection reset by peer)
<Wilbur> Network might not, though. >_> |
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#182187 Shannon: what are you?(+2/-0) |
Shannon: what are you?
Dylan : German
Dylan : and a little bit black
Dylan : which I love, because I am also related to Robert E. Lee
Dylan : so it's kind of like "HA! In your face General, your family married a BLACK MAN!" |
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#182186 < lawl> Why do they call it the xbox 360?(+3/-1)
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< lawl> Why do they call it the xbox 360?
< lawl> Because when you see it, you will turn 360 degrees and walk away.
< PovAddict> lawl: if you turn 360 degrees you'll be again looking at it |
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#182185 < Tyr> wow... epic story from my boss(+3/-2) |
< Tyr> wow... epic story from my boss
< Tyr> so, i sent him an email letting him know i'm selling a laptop to see if the company might want to buy it
< Tyr> or if he might know anyone else
< Tyr> turns out he does
< Tyr> see, he has this friend that's notorious for sleepwalking and peeing in random places
< Tyr> he apparently got up and peed on his laptop this weekend
< loodWork> I guess when he woke up...
< loodWork> *puts on sunglasses* ...he was really pissed off...
< loodWork> YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH |
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#182184 <Dark_nite666> Lol, at my friend's birthday party(+4/-1)
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<Dark_nite666> Lol, at my friend's birthday party
<Dark_nite666> It was all internet nerds
<Dark_nite666> and when his parents brought his cake out
<Looce> cake's a lie?
<Dark_nite666> all it said was "The Game"
<Looce> LOL
<Dark_nite666> everyone in the room went "FUCK"
<Vidi> lmao
<Dark_nite666> then he proceeded to say the cake is a lie
<Dark_nite666> and they took it away
<Dark_nite666> and we all got ice cream and mountain dew >_> |
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#182183 <Yahoo> God, don't you hate it when the internet seems to be exhausted?(+3/-0) |
<Yahoo> God, don't you hate it when the internet seems to be exhausted?
<Yahoo> The feeling that there's nothing left to do on it.
<Yahoo> Nevermind, found something |
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#182182 KamEHiTsu: but nothing is definite in this world if it doesn't last long enough to matter(+3/-0)
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KamEHiTsu: but nothing is definite in this world if it doesn't last long enough to matter
x3RoZ: you know you're pretty deep sometimes
x3RoZ: but you miss the mark more than often
x3RoZ: loooool
KamEHiTsu: the misplaced philosopher
KamEHiTsu: hm, i just dropped my head phone into my cereal
KamEHiTsu: now it's delicious |
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#182179 harkster: which is why we can't really trust the government(+6/-0) |
harkster: which is why we can't really trust the government
tiny_angel: touch me
harkster: uh...okay?
tiny_angel: oh shit...sorry, touche. |
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#182180 harkster: at which point my friend's freaking mom enters the room(+7/-1)
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harkster: at which point my friend's freaking mom enters the room
manatarms: *spits out cock* oh shit dude...what happened?
hartsker: uh dude...spits out cock?
manatarms: what?
manatarms: oh fuck! sorry, totally meant *spits out COKE* lol |
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#182092 <StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial transaction overlord of register 21.(+4/-0) |
<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says, "So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand. |
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#182093 Hooka: I'm going to pee on you(+2/-0)
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Hooka: I'm going to pee on you
Ralphy_Fox: that'd be hot
lemonlimeskull: Only for a while, then it'd cool off. |
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#182094 <irzyxel> RANDY !(+5/-0) |
<irzyxel> RANDY !
<irzyxel> long time no see !
<irzyxel> hows the kids
<Randy`> still in my testicles, thankfully |
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#182099 <Mikachu> haha, i misread a japanese word i wanted to look up(+5/-0)
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<Mikachu> haha, i misread a japanese word i wanted to look up
<Mikachu> it was kansha, meaning "thanks, gratitude"
<Mikachu> but i wrote in gansha in the dictionary program
<Mikachu> "ejaculation onto partner's face"
<Mikachu> that is a mispronunciation i will be careful to avoid |
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#182100 <Stevie_Kilroy> a little s&m never hurt anyone(+2/-0) |
<Stevie_Kilroy> a little s&m never hurt anyone
<Bungalow Bill> dude
<Bungalow Bill> Yes it did. |
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#182102 <D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?(+1/-1)
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<D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?
<Jolyon> Only if Han shoots first |
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